What Are We Measuring? — THINKING PERSON’S GUIDE TO AUTISM
We still encounter quite a few people who think, “Ah yes, autistic people lack empathy.”
This misunderstanding may happen because of some research and diagnoses based around old tests.
Typically, such tests tend to ask particular questions to find out whether someone is or is not empathetic. But, do they measure what they think they are measuring?
As we may know, there are different sorts of empathy. There’s the sort where you work out how someone’s feeling, from clues (‘cognitive empathy’). There’s the sort where you seem to feel what they’re feeling, e.g., you feel happy because they are happy (‘affective empathy’). And there’s arguably another sort where people actually try to do something about the situation, rather than just having feelings about it. For example, social justice-seeking.
What do people mean when they say, “Autistic people lack empathy,” therefore? Which sort? What evidence is there?
Let’s look at some examples that may be found on various questionnaires, with my thoughts afterwards. The person is usually expected to tick a box showing how strongly they think this applies to them, e.g. not at all, somewhat, a lot, or all the time.
1. “I am not good at working out how someone will feel.”
Endless testing of ‘empathic accuracy’ has taken place over the years, and the average person might get it right around half the time. It depends on the clues available to them, how well they know the other person, whether the person shares the same culture and background to them, etc. The challenge is that many nonautistic people may think that they have a talent for this, so may give answers that are filled with that confidence, rather than the reality.
As an autistic person, I’m not bad at predicting how someone will feel, if I’ve experienced similar things—especially if it’s someone I know well who is also autistic. Thus, it’s sometimes a test of age and previous life events, not ability to empathise.
It’s also about the social group. Are we accidentally testing the type of social group around the person, not their empathy? If I’m normally surrounded by autistic people, I might think I’m really good at empathising, because it’s easier for me to empathise with that group and vice-versa. But, with a group of nonautistic people, I may misread the emotional clues, and so might they.
Let’s look at another typical type of question in these tests:
2. “It is hard for me to see why some things upset people so much.”
Goodness, this is a tricky question!
What things? For example, some people get really upset if they are near cats, and I’ve no idea why that is. But, I can still see they are upset, from the clues available, and can still listen and care. How to answer… well, perhaps I should tick one of the yes answers for this? Is that lacking empathy, by me, and if so, why? Many such questions are badly worded and may lead to conclusions that the research team really aren’t expecting.
3. “Other people often say that I am insensitive, though I don’t always see why. “
Which people? Autistic people tend to form friendships with other autistic/neurodivergent people, who are far more likely to be very familiar with autistic culture and ethics. In our culture, often direct honesty is preferred to meaningless flattery that may leave people in potentially dreadful situations. Sharing a lot of information, in autistic cultures, is usually seen as polite and respectful, whilst others listen and wait until the end to take their turn. For us, this is showing empathy, the autistic way. Is this question measuring a difference in how we show empathy, not a lack of empathy?
4. “In a conversation, I tend to focus on my own thoughts rather than on what my listener might be thinking.”
Almost everyone does, whether autistic or not. Is this a test of honesty, not empathy?
5. “I find it hard to know what to do in a social situation.”
Whose social situation? Doing what? Where? When? I’ve had gatherings for autistic and neurodivergent friends where nonautistic people were in the minority. The nonautistic people generally hadn’t a clue what to do in the situation. Did they lack empathy, or were they just plunged into unfamiliar autistic culture and communication styles?
6. “Friendships and relationships are too difficult, so I tend not to bother with them”.
I wonder how many autistic people would agree that friendships are indeed too difficult, because nonautistic people tend to refuse to be friends with them? After long experience, they may give up trying. But, is this a sign of lack of empathy? Whose? Arguably, it’s that of the nonautistic people who may misread autistic expressions, voice tone and intent, and refuse to be friends. Or, they may only be willing to be friends on their terms, with the autistic person doing 100% of the exhausting adapting.
All of this was described well by Dr. Damian Milton, and by others following his work, as the “Double Empathy problem.” It explains that autistic and nonautistic people may both misunderstand each other’s likely thoughts, intentions and emotional/physical clues, leading to major communication errors on both sides. Unfortunately, we’ve had many decades of autistic people taking 100% of the blame for this, which isn’t fair.
Next time you hear someone saying, “Autistic people lack empathy,” you might want to gently challenge them to read this article, and be prepared for some surprising discoveries.
P.S. If you want to know more about this subject of autistic communication and empathy differences, I’d recommend a look at Diversity in Social Intelligence Replication Project at the Salvesen Mindroom Research Centre, which has been researching autistic communication and culture, and has made some amazing findings.
Empathy blocks
