The Self-discipline Technique That Makes Your ‘No’ Actually Imply ‘No’
As parents, we are told that bringing up well means our children listen when we say “no”. Good parenting also means that we as parents recognize our imperfections and work to change them. It is a good idea for us to develop high quality parenting skills so that our children will greet their first “no” without a fight.
We all did it. Well, apart from some perfect parents out there, but for most of us we say “no” to our kids only to turn around later and give in after a few pleas. However, when the word “yes” comes out of our mouths, we generally regret it – then it is too late.
For those couple of flawless parents out there, though we applaud you if you could please keep your perfect upbringing to yourself! We praise your excellent parenting skills, but we know that we also have excellent parenting skills. We just didn’t have enough energy to perfect it yet.
So then we utter the words: “Well, just this one time. Don’t ask me any more. “
Does that ring? And we wonder why our children don’t get our answer the first time. It is quite amusing that we are amazed and amazed at how regularly children shift our “no” into “yes”. We know it’s because we’re giving them the impression that our “no” shouldn’t be taken seriously. Because we working parents do not have the energy to defend ourselves against it. We just don’t have the strength to argue with them and we end up giving in easily.
Then the question arises: How do we get our children to accept our answer the first time? The answer is simple. Say, “No. That is not up for debate. “
Many parents know the dramatic supermarket scene a little too well. We say “no”, the child goes into a fit of anger, then we either give in to spare our innocent witnesses so they don’t think we are terrible parents.
Too often we forget that we are the parents and that we are responsible for making the decisions. Of course, we allow our children to make some of their own choices, but that too is our choice. If we don’t take control, how can we ask our children otherwise?
If your child asks a question that you can’t answer, just answer them that you think about anything and let them know if you can give them an answer. If the child is chasing you by asking them all the time, give them a warning, a direct, serious warning that will work the first time: “If you keep asking me before I answer you, I’ll just say” no “. ‘ at the moment.” And if they don’t stick to this decision, then follow your warning. It can be difficult, but it should only take one time. If not, stay consistent until they take you seriously.
When your children ask you a question and choose to say “no,” look them in the eye and speak firmly but gently. You don’t have to explain your decision afterward, but if you do choose to do so, be careful. You leave room for discussion if you keep giving reasons for your decision. It is helpful to say “no,” then provide a brief explanation of why you came to this conclusion, and end the discussion.
The child may be harassing you and trying to argue that they are right and you are wrong. Try not to let it happen. Listen carefully, hug them, and let them know that you hear what they are saying, but your answer is no and that there will be no further conversation. After that, if you need to leave to avoid further confrontation, then go. If they try hard to discuss the situation, ignore them. It will be challenging, but if you stand firm in your words, they will become final.
After all, punishment doesn’t work to discipline your child. Communication works.