The Going Out Edit – Autism Version
by Cathy Jameson
I don’t know much about marketing, but I do know that fancy words in ads can help drive a bigger sale. That’s what I thought of when I saw a line I didn’t recognize: The Going Out Edit. I knew it had something to do with fashion, maybe even high fashion. But that’s it. Whatever it was contained a dollar sign.
Sometimes the new teenage/young adult lingo gets over my head. If any of my kids started using the phrase, I wanted to check it out and see what it meant. Sure enough, it’s the things you wear, the accessories you bring, or the stuff you add to your outfit. Of cotton: a
The going out edit
A calendar full of social plans, parties and reasons to get smart again. Think little black dresses, tops, cute crops and pants that match your heels perfectly. Jeans? Absolutely. Whether you’re going out with the girls, hitting the dance floor, or drinking after work, these new outfits are made to be seen in. Bodycon dress? A statement coordination set? A halter top and jeans for the classic “jeans and a nice top” look? Really great mood. Freshen up your wardrobe, grab your clutch – we’re going out.
I’m not interested in fashion at all these days. Actually, I’ve never been. When I was shopping before my kids were born, if a dress, shirt, or pair of pants fit me and the price was right, I would get it. I still buy clothes this way, even when I’m at thrift stores (which is my favorite place to shop). I was looking for a few things on an online retail site when I saw a section called The Going Out Edit. Before I saw the photo below, I immediately thought of Ronan. Could editing mean what we take with us when we leave the house? I wondered. We just call this stuff. “Get your things, kids. Bring Ronan’s too,” I call out as we try to get out the door on our way out.
That’s exactly what I said last Saturday when we left the house.
One after the other, the children’s pig piled into the car. Dressed up this late afternoon because we were going to church after getting a haircut for Ronan’s little brother. The girls were in dresses and wore beautiful necklaces. Her handbags “completed” the outfit. Her brothers wore her khaki pants and nice shirts. I was wearing one of my “mama” outfits. As much as I’d like to dress up for church, if Ronan is coming I have to wear pants and flats. I learned too many times when he was much younger that I need to wear sensible clothing in places he might not want to stay. He can be difficult to carry, sometimes piggybacking while wearing a dress. It can also be embarrassing.
We always hope he wants to stay wherever we go, but it’s easier to “leave the stage on the left” in comfortable clothes.
Another thing that makes things easier for him, and therefore for us, is bringing Ronan’s stuff with me, which I think would be his going out edit. He must be ahead of the trend because we always have a bag with us whenever he goes out. It doesn’t matter whether it’s for shopping, a doctor’s appointment or when he picks up siblings from school with me. A bag or his Going Out Edit, if you want it to sound a little more upscale, you have to take it with you.
What is inside? That has changed over the years, but now it must have:
a diaper
a pull up
a small bag of baby wipes
a little snack
his favorite book and picture
iPad and charging cable
His wallet
his emergency medication
his guardianship papers, papers I never thought I would need to bring with me but go with me everywhere he goes when he is with me
There’s nothing fashionable about all that stuff, but every single thing in his bag is important. When we have them, life is easier…or at least more manageable. If I leave something behind, I worry that I will need it. This happened years ago when Ronan had grand mal seizures in the car. He needed it, but I forgot to take his emergency medication with me.
Since then, the bag has gone with us every time we set off.
Hanging from a hook in the front closet, reaching for it has become second nature. It was part of our trip last weekend and, as always, served a great purpose. Ronan needed this favorite book and picture last Saturday night after 25 minutes in the mess hall.
He had already done a really great job with the haircut. It wasn’t his turn to trim, but he followed the tried and true routine his brother and my husband taught him when they go to the barber. The barber is always friendly and more than accommodating to my son. Ronan knows she keeps a secret stash of candy he can’t get anywhere else, which helps too. I know that sweets may not be the most nutritious reinforcement. But in those moments when nothing else worked to get him in the door, in the chair, and then endure the clipping and the buzzing and the added noise at her hair salon, it helps.
Ronan can now pull off a bi-monthly professional haircut like a champ.
Like the last time he was there, we went to church right after the appointment. Glad we did because like last time, Ronan stayed for the entire fair! It’s not our home church that we go to these days, but we’ve gone there often enough over the past two years that Ronan recognizes it. It’s great to see the church and the expectations of being there. It’s even better when the routine we ask of him goes smoothly. However, like the last time we all left, it wasn’t easy to make it through the entire fair.
Then the strategies and Ronan’s things come into play.
It’s always about the gospel that Ronan wants to leave. With his black fish, the page of the cat picture opened, awkward hugs for little brother and little brother’s gentle instructions. I’m happy to report that Ronan made it! You know, that means we all got through the fair too.
Ronan got a little nervous after I received Communion, so I quickly set a timer on my phone. We had less than 10 minutes at this point. Something I prayed he would tolerate. Again we walked out with another awkward hug after the recession anthem was sung. Success!
I ask so much of the siblings, but they pass on no matter what the situation.
Ronan is now a regular part of her everyday life. That means the siblings can still help him, not just because they’re able, but because they want to. Like me, they celebrate the little things with him because they bring big wins for all of us. Just walking out the door can be a showstopper. Having all the things we need in this bag from Ronan, plus some positivity, was key. It all allows him to keep trying, trying again.
I know my children’s journeys won’t always involve living with us or caring for Ronan on a daily basis, so I’ll cherish those little moments now. These moments, along with all the knowledge we have gained along the way, can bring us such joy. They can also instill a sense of peace in our hearts.
Cathy Jameson is Associate Editor for Age of Autism.
