Mother’s Viral TikTok By Calls Out Manipulative Parenting
It’s not difficult to say that millennial parents are probably the most confident generation of parents to date. Many of us have adopted a gentler parenting style than our parents and grandparents could show – social media is full of parenting experts and ordinary old mothers and fathers who regularly share their thoughts, emotions, and strategies.
One mom recently went viral on TikTok for invoking the manipulative parenting tactics of previous generations, and she gets to the point in the most thoughtful and emotionally intelligent way possible.
Lisa Pontius, the stay-at-home mom from South Carolina, often shares her theories and strategies for parenting on TikTok, but one video in particular hits many chords. It is entitled “Children owe nothing to their parents”. And it is absolutely a must.
On TikTok, Lisa addresses criticism that she received for setting limits on her own mother as an adult. The commentator said to be “grateful” for everything her mother has done for her all her life.
It’s a common euphemism, isn’t it? That we “owe” our parents, that they gave us life and received this life, however they chose it? Well, argues Lisa, we absolutely don’t. And that also applies to our children.
“Children don’t owe their parents any particular type of relationship, and depending on the parent, they may not owe them respect.” [once children grow up],” She says.
Why? Because children have no freedom of choice. You didn’t choose to come into this world. And parents sign up for upbringing – and all that goes with it – the moment they decide to have children.
“It’s the parents’ job to look after their children,” says Lisa. “It’s a responsibility. Not everyone is up to the situation, but this is like the bare minimum of taking care of your child’s physical and financial needs. The level above is his emotional needs, what good parents do, but none of that is one. You love and do not provide your children with the expectation that they will blindly obey and do what you say as adults. “
Basically, children don’t owe their parents anything just because their parents met and looked after their needs. And also? Not all parents meet their children’s needs. Not my own parents. Sure, my basic needs were provided: food, shelter, water, clothing, etc. But my emotional and physical needs were nonexistent for my mother and father. My mother was abusive, manipulative, narcissistic, theatrical, and cruel. My father was an empowering workaholic. As I grew up (and especially after having children of my own) I decided that I didn’t owe them any part of myself that I didn’t want to give. In fact, my mother hasn’t been in my life since 2011. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “You only have one mother” to make me guilty of breaking my boundaries.
And you know what? That’s correct. You only get one mother. And she screwed it up over and over again. I deserve a better one. But my own children will never have to endure what I’ve done – and I’m grateful for that.
“You don’t get a trophy if you bring your child in or keep your child clean,” explains Lisa. “The whole ‘roof over your head’ argument is manipulative because theoretically you wouldn’t have had an apartment for yourself, regardless of whether you had children? A child is not a revealing roommate, it is up to you and your responsibility. “
Many people flooded their comments with supportive words, and a few others shared their disagreements. Regardless of what you think of their video, it is an indisputable fact that from the moment our children step into this world, we start building a relationship with them. Hopefully it’s the kind of relationship that motivates them to continue that special relationship as adults.