From Frustration To Group – Utilizing T.A.C.T. to Mum or dad ADHD
ADHD is not a “new” condition, nor is it unique to 21st century life and times. But our understanding of this condition and how to raise ADHD children is actually fairly new — and growing. We know so much more today than we did a generation ago, and I am confident that in 20 years we will know so much more than we do today. With information comes a greater ability to deal with the stress that comes with ADHD.
Parenting ADHD in the past
In the “old days” – and by that I mean 10-15 years ago – most people didn’t really understand ADHD, let alone how to deal with it at home or at school. Parents didn’t know what we were dealing with—and honestly, the medical and educational communities didn’t know much more than we did. We all did the best we could with what little information we had.
But this “information” was patchy – all we knew was that our children weren’t behaving like other people’s children. They were hyperactive, threw tantrums, acted out, didn’t listen, were disorganized, had social problems, or got bad grades in school. But for most of us, there was no ultimate reason for it.
Most parents didn’t have the real, proven information they needed to make decisions. For example, in the past, discipline or punishment was often used instead of positive reinforcement and motivation. Incredible frustration may even have led many parents to be more disciplined than they otherwise would have been. Now we know that ADHD children respond much more positively to the carrot than to the stick. It’s all about motivation and figuring out what works for them.
As it was a generation or more ago, raising an ADHD child is still stressful today; it’s still trying. But now we have at least one secret weapon: knowledge. We know better what works, what doesn’t and how we can help ourselves to help our children.
Article below…
Minimize meltdowns!
Download a free Top 10 Ways to Stop Meltdowns in Their Tracks tip sheet to stop everyone’s screaming and tantrums!
overcome frustration
Interestingly, the key to improving your ADHD children’s behavior and supporting them with their challenges lies in managing your own behavior and emotions. You lead; You follow.
We call it “TAKT” and it’s really all about the parents, not the kids. There are 4 steps:
- Triggers. If you can anticipate what will cause a blowout or trigger a meltdown, you can often use safe and effective strategies to prevent it. Recognize what will upset you (“If I see another dirty dish in your room!”) or what will upset your child (“I don’t want to do my homework!”). Sometimes you can avoid triggers, sometimes you can avoid being triggered. Recognize that these are challenging areas. Let yourself breathe. If necessary, walk away so that you act instead of reacting.
- Adoption. It’s neurobiological. Your kid blew up again at dinner? Did you forget your homework again? She honestly didn’t want to or didn’t want to. Your brain makes everything from impulse management to short-term memory a challenge. It’s not purposeful. Realizing this makes an enormous difference.
- Consistency. Knowing what to expect can help children deal with frustration and improve their organization. For example, if your child is having trouble getting ready for school in the morning, you can create a simple checklist (written or visual) that can help them with this. If bedtime is the same time every night, kids won’t be surprised. They need you as their external executive function until they can do it on their own, and Routine is a great way to do that.
- transitions. Whether it’s turning off the TV and going to bed, stopping outside to take a bath while playing, or changing classes at school, transitions can be a difficult time for people with ADHD. Make transitions smoother by anticipating that they might be difficult. Provide ample warning and, if possible, set expectations or plan ahead to minimize potential disruption.
There are a variety of strategies parents can use to go from frustrated to organized, from angry to accepting. The key is to experiment a bit. Find tactics that work for your child and use them consistently.
One thing that hasn’t changed through the generations is how much we love our children. Now that we have more information about how their brains are wired, we can make better decisions and raise ADHD children more effectively.
