Explaining ADHD to Others: Why Neurodivergent Training Issues
Telling people I have ADHD always makes me squirm. I can sense the inner eye roll. Here we go again. Everyone wants a label these days.
I worry the person I’m talking to will doubt I’ve really got it or mistake my revelation for a declaration of specialness.
I get why they might hear it that way. Some people do seem to center their identity around their neurodivergence and I understand that too. Endless flying-kicks to the ego inflict deep and lasting wounds and there’s a screw-you joy in shouting from the rooftops that you like who you are and have finally found your squad.
For me though, ADHD is only part of who I am. I’m different from the people I know who have it and they are different from each other as well. I don’t want others to hear those four little letters and put me in an ill-fitting box.
But that probably makes it all the more pressing that I push through the cringe and crack on with my disclosure.
There are loads of reasons why I feel I should talk about ADHD.
[Read: The ADHD Myths That Hurt Us Most]
1. To Explain That It’s Like an Iceberg
Public perception of ADHD is still negative and narrow: we’re chaotic, annoying and devoid of common sense. We bash things with sticks all day long and talk over each other non-stop. The stereotype overlooks inattentive attributes completely and defines us largely by what we lack and by our most conspicuous traits.
A lot of people with ADHD wouldn’t stand out in a crowd though, especially if they’re female. We’re skilled at concealing our inner struggles behind a slick-but-exhausting performance of normal.
The little quirks we do exhibit can look trivial or amusing to the casual observer, but they’re often the tip of a giant iceberg that quietly threatens to capsize our lives.
Being open about ADHD lets me dig into the detail of the many different ways it can manifest and how much is hidden from view. I like being part of that conversation and I think I have a duty to share what I know.
[Read: 3 Defining Features of ADHD That Everyone Overlooks]
2. To Help Friends Understand Themselves Better
It’s no accident that my account of lifelong symptoms often chimes with the person I’m talking to. ADHD people attract each other, after all. When someone recognizes themselves in my experience, they’re usually keen to learn more and some have gone on to pursue diagnosis, either for themselves or their children.
My own ADHD journey began when a friend shared a podcast that resonated so much it brought me to tears. Finding out my more troublesome traits were part of a pattern and not random failings as a human helped weaken the grip that shame sometimes has on me and which can wreak more havoc than the condition itself.
Talking about ADHD feels worth the discomfort when it helps get the message to people like me who need to hear it most.
3. To Take the Sting out of Stigma
Even if a person does not relate to my story of quiet dysregulation and self-sabotage, my willingness to be vulnerable can lead to reciprocal sharing.
Laying bare my own battles almost always results in chats about what others find difficult.
I used to worry that being honest would make me feel weak, but I’ve found that the opposite is true. I feel braver and stronger when I open up and it gives other people permission to do likewise.
4. To Make Working Life Easier
When I first got my ADHD diagnosis, I didn’t want to tell my employer. I was scared I’d be seen as incapable and worried the condition would be used to sweep real workload issues under the carpet.
I’m so glad I did come clean though. It made it easier to ask for accommodations, even informal ones. Small changes to my role and teaching hours have made me calmer and more productive and I feel like my managers have my back.
Conversations I have at work about ADHD soon turn to the things I excel at too and the stuff my colleagues find easy. That’s great for collaboration. If my workmate gets off on the gristle-chewing torment of detailed yearly planning, they can knock themselves out with their color-coded spreadsheets while I save my energy for bringing fresh, last-minute ideas when plans get upended as they so often do.
5. To Remind Us That Everyone Is Weird
Sceptics scoff when they hear how many people are being diagnosed with ADHD. But I’m surprised they’re surprised by the stats. It’s not uncommon and everyone is different. I thought we knew that by now.
I don’t see the rise in cases as proof of rampant overdiagnosis or the fragility of entire generations. I view it as long-overdue acknowledgement that the uniform, manmade and neurotypical-centric requirements of modern life are extremely hard for a lot of people to meet.
Reading about ADHD helped me pinpoint what I find tough and examine why that might be. But talking about ADHD to people who don’t have it opened my eyes to the many things others can struggle with – unforeseen changes, recognizing feelings, encountering buttons, for example. It gives me the chance to acknowledge that I know it’s not all about me.
I don’t feel special for having ADHD. I feel fortunate that my particular brand of weirdness fits into an established and well-researched cluster. Not everyone is that lucky.
6. To Assuage the Fear of Labels
Diagnosis has helped me a lot. I talk to myself more kindly now and am learning to soothe my nervous system when I need to persevere.
My ADHD label is not a shield behind which I intend to cower, emerging only to hurl rotten eggs and expletives at people who insist I do boring jobs. It’s a framework for understanding myself better so that I can capitalize on my strengths and work on the tough bits with greater insight and practical strategies.
7. To Make It So Normal It’s Boring
Talking about ADHD feels awkward. I still feel embarrassed when I bring it up. But I need to chuck my truth out there and have faith that if enough of us do the same, the stereotypes will melt away and at some point, someone like me will be able to mention their common difference to zero frowns or pigeonholing.
One day, I hope, ADHD will be a boring shortcut to explain how I function and what I do best.
Maybe by then everyone will have their own punchy acronym to help me understand them better as well. I might interrupt them to ask for more detail, but I promise I will never roll my eyes.
Explaining ADHD: Next Steps
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