Elevating an Indignant Baby with ADHD: How Challenges Assist
I remember the call from the psychologist who had completed my daughter’s neuropsychological test: “She is very intelligent, so it’s difficult to measure her IQ accurately.” That sounded like good news. Then there was the “but …”.
My seven year old daughter, who initially enjoyed the challenge of the test, got bored and frustrated and decided to end the session by tossing the large yoga ball she had been sitting on to the psychologist.
The exercise ball that was supposed to allow the kids to move and focus during the test was a projectile in my daughter’s hands. The nice neuropsychologist giggled, “I’m sure other kids in my office have thought about it, but your daughter is the first to do it.”
There I was – a psychiatrist raising a child who hadn’t started second grade but was now diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and anger management problems.
My daughter needs to be challenged
That was 10 years ago. We have come a long way since then. We were fortunate to have met many qualified doctors, therapists, teachers and coaches on the trip. This psychologist was the first to tell me, “She needs to be challenged.”
[Free Parenting Resource: How to Deal with Anger From Your Child]
It became our goal and led me to a wonderful parenting organization called Destination Imagination. DI is the world’s largest creative problem solving organization, with approximately 200,000 children participating worldwide each year, supported by more than 35,000 adult volunteers. The Destination Imagination program encourages teams of young learners to have fun, take risks, focus and overcome challenges while incorporating STEM (science, technology, engineering and math), visual arts, writing, research and service learning.
DI found ways to keep my daughter mentally and physically challenged. We signed them up for taekwondo and girls’ ice hockey. It was my job to support them and to divert their iron will. Destination Imagination helped me with that. Martial arts shaped their character. Somewhere between kicking a bag and breaking boards, she learned about honor and respect. She wasn’t like her peers on the ice – she was small and slim. But her hockey coach said she “is whole-heartedly and plays like she is a foot taller. She doesn’t know that she is small. “
As far as Destination Imagination is concerned, her team, which consists of “passionate” bright kids, fought with each other almost constantly for eight years. Despite all the discussions, or perhaps because of it, they have won three places at the national Global Finals and applied with students from all over the world. Then, in their final DI year, their team stalled during their performance and “lost”. But they ran across the stage of the convention center in front of 10,000 people and stood out for their teamwork.
“Be the guardrails, not the driver.”
We too became a team at home, partners in the treatment of her ADHD. Besides challenging them, my new mantra was “Be the guardrails, not the driver”. Given the terrifying statistics on ADHD and car accidents, I was nervous when she recently got her driver’s license and her first summer job. But I haven’t packed the bike; she’s coping.
[Read: Steps to Independence for Teens with ADHD]
With the encouragement of her ADHD coach, she asks me, “Mom, can you get me a clock for the bathroom?” I synced our phones with the family schedule, then she amazed me by asking for paper calendars for her room and kitchen to write on. For real? I asked. She explained, “If I scroll through a schedule on my phone, I’ll end up in a rabbit hole.”
My daughter is now 16 and still has ADHD and anxiety. It may never change, but it is well managed. Maybe I learned as much as you did from Destination Imagination. Sometimes what we fear as a loss is really a gain; it’s what you make of the trip. Just ask my daughter.
Here’s the quote she picked from a film about Alan Turing to post when she graduated from middle school: “Sometimes it’s the people who no one can imagine doing things that no one can imagine.”
Angry Child With ADHD: Next Steps
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