Discuss to Children about ADHD and Different Complicated Points
Welcome to Tea & Tips, where we answer burning questions from parents and educators – always aiming at one topic at a time and helping you to improve communication, self-confidence and calm. Today’s topic: Conversations with children about ADHD and other complex challenges.
Elaine:
Therefore, parents of children of all ages often ask this question, how do I talk to my child about their problems. I think about ADHD in particular – when you don’t want to hear it, like, “You don’t want to talk about it. The child doesn’t want to hear it. And you know, Diane and Elaine, you say I have to tell you about it, but you don’t want to hear it. How do I deal with it?”
Diane:
Well, and I think part of it is getting curious and understanding, what is it that makes the child uncomfortable talking? Is it that they don’t want another lecture because they are getting a lecture; or don’t you want to feel different? Knowing what is really wrong with the child makes it difficult to hear; or they feel bad about themselves and they only have one thing left.
Elaine:
Well, and part of what you said just hit me – sometimes it’s about how we talk to them about it, right? Did we give lectures? Did we already “you have to know that!” how to insist? Are we forcing them? Or do we invite them to a conversation?
Diane:
Or we talk to them when we are really frustrated. So you feel not only the conversation, but also our frustration. So part of it revolves around normalization. I mean, everyone has something that they need help with
Elaine:
… and which you have to cope with in life.
Diane:
Exactly. And if you think about it – I was just looking at your glasses, right? So if you had a kid with glasses, you would talk to them about wearing glasses. You would help them understand how the glass helps. In the beginning, your child may feel a little insecure because they are wearing glasses and
Elaine:
and then ask yourself, “Where are your glasses?” “Oh, I didn’t feel like wearing them today.”
And you have the conversation and you would say, “Well, what’s the deal with wearing the glasses? It’s really important. That’s how it helps.”
Elaine:
“It’s really important, that’s how it helps,” he says. And so we really want to move on to asking questions. “So what’s about wearing the glasses? How does it help you when you wear them? What’s uncomfortable about wearing it? ”So that they start experiencing – and the same with medication, or the same with ADHD – like,“ What’s about it?
Diane:
The other part of it is that there can be things that you see that you don’t see. So, to find gentle, friendly ways of saying, “Hey, I noticed that this afternoon when we were doing homework, it was a little different than usual. What did you notice?” And I think part of it is taking small steps and knowing that there will be resistance. Like glasses. There will be some resistance or there will be times when they are more sensitive than others. So just to be careful and keep it in front of my eyes, but not to try and get them to the place where they say, “Yay, I’m taking this drug.”
Elaine:
Well, you know all of this – but not only that, especially when it comes to medication – it’s about helping our children become their own medical managers. We talked about this in other tips. So this is another way. You can’t do it if you don’t accept and understand it. So if they are not ready to accept it then we need to meet them there and have these conversations more smoothly before you get to the management part.
Diane:
And the other aspect of speaking about ADHD specifically to kids is that I find that a lot of parents feel more comfortable and a lot of kids feel more comfortable when they let go of the label. Challenges with executive functions or how do they show up? Time to be organized or impulsive or emotional. Exactly.
We hope this helps as you speak to your children about ADHD and other complex challenges.
