After I Tried to Extinguish My ADHD Youngster’s Mild
A little over 18 years ago, I gave birth to a superhero. His superpower was electricity.
He was powerful. It was loud. When he walked into a room, he filled the room so completely that he suffocated. You could feel its power transmission and consume everyone in the room.
Its electricity was exciting, but also wild and uncontrollable. It scared me. It scared a lot of people.
I had imagined a shape for my superhero and I didn’t understand why he refused to fit in like a good boy. Like a simple and controllable boy. Why couldn’t he just be the normal kid I imagined?
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What was wrong with him? I kept asking angrily when my superhero refused to twist into my imagination.
It was impossible for my little superhero to slow its flow and control its flow.
That was very uncomfortable for me. For his teachers. For his colleagues. I was getting angrier and more bitter at my wild, electric boy. I almost lost myself trying to control him.
My superhero’s electricity was fueled by anger as he grew, making him more powerful and harder to control. The stronger my superboy got, the more I tried to squeeze him into his small, calm, controllable shape that I still held onto.
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It’s hard to be the mother of electricity. I doused my little superhero with water every day and was furious that it didn’t put out his electricity. But we all know what happens when you pour water on electricity.
I can see now that my superhero was a beautiful electric storm.
I now watch it from afar and admire its beauty. Of his power. I could stand here forever and watch the light show and listen to the distant rumble and soothing knock on the roof above me.
I want to go back and do it again for Jake. I want to go back in time and start over as the proud creator of a superhero. From a perfect storm. Remind him every day that he is electric and powerful.
But then I think, can I appreciate the beauty of a storm while standing in it?
The thunder is deafening. The lights collapse around me. The rain is so heavy and relentless that I can only see the flashes of light. I can’t hear anything but the constant popping in my ears.
I gave birth to a superhero and his power was electricity. It was a beautiful powerful storm and as it rolled over me I could see it for the wonder that it is.
I pray he still knows he is electricity. That he’s a beautiful storm.
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Updated July 13, 2021